Thursday, July 28, 2011

Watch My Amplifier

I can think negatively so much that I get painfully depressed.  Most often this happens in bed when I wake up too early.  It also happens later in the day when I feel slighted by another person. And, there are other times.

I need to watch out how much I amplify disquieting thoughts and feelings.  I can control that.

"Be like an astute businessman and make stillness your criterion for testing the value of everything, and choose always what contributes to it."  (Philokalia vol. 1, p. 33)

It works.

I woke up too early this morning and was having a lot of "woe is me" thoughts to the point of almost thinking I have "a dim view of everyone," as my older brother told me he has.  (I don't want to be like him, for numerous reasons.)

I realized that two heavy things were on my mind lately.  One was trying to decide what to do about my savings due to the U.S. government possibly getting a lowered credit rating.  The other was preparing to talk to a lawyer about a wrongful discharge from employment in September, 2010.  I got the idea that I could put one of the two aside a few days; I could table the preparation for the lawyer until after the government credit crisis is passed.

This is what I did, combined with a decision to get up and get out and walk down to the coffee shop.  I had a pleasant walk and six pleasant conversations with others on my journey.

After a short time of deciding to get up and get out, I was feeling better.  Plus, in recent days, I had been pondering the concept of watching how much I amplify my thoughts and feelings, and I was trying to watch my amplifier.

And, last but not least, when I was in my downward spiraling thinking this morning, I was concurrently talking with God about it.  He probably helped me make the decision to table the one issue, and to take a walk.  And, He probably put those six people in my path.