(Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean nobody's out to get you.)
If anything goes wrong with a friend or near one, in my broken brain I think they are condemning me.
I have a niece whom I am close too, because for the last eight years we have been re-united over a common goal, that of recovering from the abuses we have received from my nuts brother, her nuts father.
My niece and her husband are odd in some ways. (So am I.) The following e-mail draft to her is self-explanatory:
Subject: I Have Something to Say
Recently you addressed the matter of e-mail to you as having to go through John now.
Recently before that you addressed my question about always having to go through John when I want to call you.
This is peculiar timing.
You guys are entitled to set your terms for dealing with me however you want. And, I have set terms for myself which I think are more healthy for me. I am no longer going to be subjected to checking in with a gatekeeper in order to talk or write to my niece, whom I have never ever hurt or done anything wrong to, and never will. It has always felt wrong to have to do that absolutely every time, but I have submitted to it.
How would you feel if any and every time you wanted to call me, you had to check in with Aunt Leslie first?
I wrote this just so you know why you don't hear from me.
I don't even know where you live.
End.
Having learned from past experience about the effects of sending emotionally charged mail, I paused awhile, then rewrote my e-mail:
Subject: Calls and E-mails
I don't want to always go thru John to call you or e-mail you. You can always call or write me or come over, though, without going thru Aunt Leslie.
End.
Good advice is to set aside any letter, or save as a draft any e-mail, that is sensitive and/or emotion laden, and think about it for a good while. You will probably decide on watering it down, or not even sending it.
Also, it is wise whenever typing an e-mail, to make putting in the recipient's address last, just before sending it.
The Book of Proverbs has many things to say about this sort of thing. One I remember is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
