Hope helps keep God feeling close. It helps me to pray without ceasing. So, I must not give up on giving up what gets between God and me or on doing what gets me closer.
I have a great gift; I'm crazy with a purpose. I keep hope of not being so hamstrung. And, hope keeps me mindful of God, thus closer to Him.
A new prayer for me to say early in the day is, "Dear God, how can I get closer to you today?" That might help keep hope going.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Restraint of Tongue and Pen
Oh! That is so hard for me to do!....since I am partially paranoid.
(Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean nobody's out to get you.)
If anything goes wrong with a friend or near one, in my broken brain I think they are condemning me.
I have a niece whom I am close too, because for the last eight years we have been re-united over a common goal, that of recovering from the abuses we have received from my nuts brother, her nuts father.
My niece and her husband are odd in some ways. (So am I.) The following e-mail draft to her is self-explanatory:
Subject: I Have Something to Say
As close as we are, I don't feel trusted. I do feel singled-out, even though you said you are not singling me out.
End.
Having learned from past experience about the effects of sending emotionally charged mail, I paused awhile, then rewrote my e-mail:
Subject: Calls and E-mails
End.
Good advice is to set aside any letter, or save as a draft any e-mail, that is sensitive and/or emotion laden, and think about it for a good while. You will probably decide on watering it down, or not even sending it.
Also, it is wise whenever typing an e-mail, to make putting in the recipient's address last, just before sending it.
The Book of Proverbs has many things to say about this sort of thing. One I remember is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
(Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean nobody's out to get you.)
If anything goes wrong with a friend or near one, in my broken brain I think they are condemning me.
I have a niece whom I am close too, because for the last eight years we have been re-united over a common goal, that of recovering from the abuses we have received from my nuts brother, her nuts father.
My niece and her husband are odd in some ways. (So am I.) The following e-mail draft to her is self-explanatory:
Subject: I Have Something to Say
Recently you addressed the matter of e-mail to you as having to go through John now.
Recently before that you addressed my question about always having to go through John when I want to call you.
This is peculiar timing.
You guys are entitled to set your terms for dealing with me however you want. And, I have set terms for myself which I think are more healthy for me. I am no longer going to be subjected to checking in with a gatekeeper in order to talk or write to my niece, whom I have never ever hurt or done anything wrong to, and never will. It has always felt wrong to have to do that absolutely every time, but I have submitted to it.
How would you feel if any and every time you wanted to call me, you had to check in with Aunt Leslie first?
I wrote this just so you know why you don't hear from me.
I don't even know where you live.
End.
Having learned from past experience about the effects of sending emotionally charged mail, I paused awhile, then rewrote my e-mail:
Subject: Calls and E-mails
I don't want to always go thru John to call you or e-mail you. You can always call or write me or come over, though, without going thru Aunt Leslie.
End.
Good advice is to set aside any letter, or save as a draft any e-mail, that is sensitive and/or emotion laden, and think about it for a good while. You will probably decide on watering it down, or not even sending it.
Also, it is wise whenever typing an e-mail, to make putting in the recipient's address last, just before sending it.
The Book of Proverbs has many things to say about this sort of thing. One I remember is Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Fast Forgiving
Why not be a fast forgiver?
An alcoholic nun at an AA meeting I attended said she immediately forgives, believing that is the best way. That sounds good. We know we must forgive, so why beat around the bush and work up to it, causing us more distress than if we had been a fast forgiver.
I went to mass with my wife last Sunday, and the priest said in his homily that to forgive is to act as if it never happened. That's a tall order!
I believe that forgiveness does not always require reconciliation with people who just won't treat me right ever. Sometimes I think that I'm forgiving of someone just by not thinking about letting them have it!
I'm not a Catholic. I am a protester, err Protestant. But, I get a lot from the Catholics. I am a Christian, but think it is good to learn from all about faith. I can discern when another person's belief in a concept is not Christian.
It is better for us to forgive. Anyone can understand that this is so, considering all the harm to ourselves and to others that comes from lack of forgiving. But to be a fast forgiver requires being predominantly mindful of God and of our spiritual life which is real; we need to be convinced that our spiritual life is the bigger thing in us. If we are 99.99 percent mindful of our physical world, like is usual with most of us, it is impossible. Our need to be largely mindful of God and His commands in order to live in the reality of our spiritual selves, is why the Bible says to "pray without ceasing."
God does good things in us and for us anonymously. They seem natural, but God is doing them. We don't usually realize God is doing them, because they seem natural. And, the more we follow His teachings, for instance about forgiving, the more we see Him working good in our lives.
Why does God allow bad things to happen? One must ask himself then, "Would I like to live in a world where there is no progress to be made. Who would I be if there were no one to help?" I think very few people stop to think that God is preventing even worse things from happening all the time. What if we had attack squirrels?
This is just how I understand things at this point in my life - I am not preaching.
An alcoholic nun at an AA meeting I attended said she immediately forgives, believing that is the best way. That sounds good. We know we must forgive, so why beat around the bush and work up to it, causing us more distress than if we had been a fast forgiver.
I went to mass with my wife last Sunday, and the priest said in his homily that to forgive is to act as if it never happened. That's a tall order!
I believe that forgiveness does not always require reconciliation with people who just won't treat me right ever. Sometimes I think that I'm forgiving of someone just by not thinking about letting them have it!
I'm not a Catholic. I am a protester, err Protestant. But, I get a lot from the Catholics. I am a Christian, but think it is good to learn from all about faith. I can discern when another person's belief in a concept is not Christian.
It is better for us to forgive. Anyone can understand that this is so, considering all the harm to ourselves and to others that comes from lack of forgiving. But to be a fast forgiver requires being predominantly mindful of God and of our spiritual life which is real; we need to be convinced that our spiritual life is the bigger thing in us. If we are 99.99 percent mindful of our physical world, like is usual with most of us, it is impossible. Our need to be largely mindful of God and His commands in order to live in the reality of our spiritual selves, is why the Bible says to "pray without ceasing."
God does good things in us and for us anonymously. They seem natural, but God is doing them. We don't usually realize God is doing them, because they seem natural. And, the more we follow His teachings, for instance about forgiving, the more we see Him working good in our lives.
Why does God allow bad things to happen? One must ask himself then, "Would I like to live in a world where there is no progress to be made. Who would I be if there were no one to help?" I think very few people stop to think that God is preventing even worse things from happening all the time. What if we had attack squirrels?
This is just how I understand things at this point in my life - I am not preaching.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
It's Like Living Longer - Also, Growing-up
It's like living longer to do more with the 24 hours I am given each day.
I must not waste so much time - that is like shortening my life.
I am always chomping at the bit to do work, projects, and to learn - there is so much life to live!
Most of my troubles are explained by the dysfunctional family life, the unhealthy examples I modeled after, et al, in childhood.
I didn't grow-up well. I'm maladjusted.
I CAN STILL DO THE GROWING-UP I DIDN'T DO EARLIER!
Largely it will take self-control against the forces and impulses I feel, and pushing myself through the resistance I feel in myself. Literally crying-out to God wouldn't hurt, either!
I must not waste so much time - that is like shortening my life.
I am always chomping at the bit to do work, projects, and to learn - there is so much life to live!
Most of my troubles are explained by the dysfunctional family life, the unhealthy examples I modeled after, et al, in childhood.
I didn't grow-up well. I'm maladjusted.
I CAN STILL DO THE GROWING-UP I DIDN'T DO EARLIER!
Largely it will take self-control against the forces and impulses I feel, and pushing myself through the resistance I feel in myself. Literally crying-out to God wouldn't hurt, either!
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