Marriage, My Spiritual Engine

I have had a difficult marriage.  It's not my wife's fault.  It's just a match problem, and communication problems.

Billy Graham said, "Some of you are married to the wrong person.  Then, you need to deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Jesus."

This blog entry assumes being serious about following God.  And, I have concluded that's the most important thing in life, to follow my Creator.

Many things I do that result in being monogamous and in staying married are solely due to trying to obey God, and not for my wife's sake.  However, these things end up being good for my wife and for myself.

I wear my ring when I leave the house, as a discipline, not because I want to.

I didn't date around much at all before "having to get married," so I admittedly yearn to enjoy the company of different women.  We all know acting that out does not work.  So, I do what I once heard called "hedging."  I do anything I can think of to foul-up advancing a relationship.  I throw a "wrench in the works" somewhere along the way.  Sometimes I feel like I am ripping my guts out in doing that, because I want to get close to a woman.  (Due to communication problems, my wife and I are not all that close.)

A common occurrence is for people to say, "Just get a divorce," that is, if you tell people about your misery.  I strongly warn not to heed their advice. I always ignored them, because those who say that have been divorced.  So, this is an example of being honest with myself, about what I need to do about my marriage.

I could write a book about this subject.  But, I have written enough to get to my conclusion.  For one who is trying to put God first, when they have thoughts and/or actions in favor of nurturing life and marriage, all that thought and action generates a reward of ever increasing faith, hope, and love of God, and that is what we're here for.  And, experiencing all the feelings I do of being close to God, I know I am doing the "better thing."  Even though, I sometimes get down thinking about what a shame to go through life being happily, unhappily married, the Eternal Life trumps that.  And, Eternal Life is now and forever.

No pain, no gain!

I could call this spiritual engine my "Greener Grass Machine."  The grass is not usually greener on the other side of fence.  But, acknowledging marriage as a spiritual engine, one can see that it grows the greener grass!